


I wanted you

by IronicGirl



Series: Coming out for Christmas [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Cheating, Distrust, Hogwarts, Kinda, M/M, Post-Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Quidditch, Scorp is a sad boi, again kinda, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 03:09:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19862521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronicGirl/pseuds/IronicGirl
Summary: Albus is pulling away and Scorpius just doesn't understand what went wrong. Maybe it's not all as wonderful as he was made to think.Can be read as a stand-alone but read the rest of the series for some context :)





	I wanted you

Scorpius Malfoy was broken. He was done trying to find the good in life because all life ever gave him were challenges. What he needed right now were a friend and a distraction, he wanted someone to hold him tight when he cried and tell him that they loved him.   
But as the first snow of Christmas fell outside he was sat on his own in a big, cold house. Scorp had never felt more alone. 

This downward spiral had begun a few weeks prior, in November, just as the Christmas excitement began to grow across Hogwarts. Scorpius had always loved Christmas time, the Malfoy’s made an effort for the occasion and Scorp still had fond memories of opening stockings in front of the fire. But this year, the festivities seemed tainted by… something. It was as if something were lingering in the air and its presence was making Scorpius weary.   
It started small, Albus would shy away from his touch or pull his hand out of Scorp’s grasp with a mumbled excuse. He would fail a test that he studied for and should have passed. Someone knocked him off his broom during practice, resulting in a weekend spent with Mrs Pomfrey.   
Nothing serious had happened, but in the collection, the recent event’s in Scorpius Malfoy’s life had him feeling less than giddy. 

As the last Friday of term rolled around, Scorpius decided that it was time to brush himself off and have fun. Christmas break was almost upon them, meaning that he wasn't going to be seeing his friends and quidditch mates for three weeks, he wanted to make the most of the weekend they had left before O.W.L’s studying took over their lives.   
He found Albus lying on his bunk, reading a book that he’d taken from Scorpius’s bedside table.  
“Hey handsome,” Slumping down onto his stomach and his arms wrapping around Albus’s middle “What’d you say we go to that Hufflepuff party tonight?”   
Scorp caressed the bump of his boyfriend’s hip bone with the tips of his fingers, flicking his eyes up to try and read the boy’s expression. Nothing.   
“Hmm?” He prompted, sliding a palm around his waist to get his attention. Honestly, interactions with the Potter recently has been like talking to a brick wall. Scorpius thought he could actually have better conversations with some of the enchanted bricks of the castle.   
Agitated, Albus rolled around indicating that he wanted Scorpius to stop touching him.  
“I’m not close to anyone in Hufflepuff though, they’re all sort of…” He just made a grimace expression and turned back to the book, which he was holding up high above his head.   
“Yeah but the teams going and wanted me to go with them.” Scorpius retorted.  
“Then go, I’m not stopping you.” He humphed, but Scorpius being as sweet as he was, he didn’t push him on the sarcastic tone of the comment.   
“Come on Al, it’s almost the holidays. I really don’t want to go alone.” Scorpius sat up and looked down at the boy, wanting to touch him, but deciding against it.   
A moment passed, and by Albus’s unwavering silence Scorpius almost assumed that he hadn’t heard him when the wizard finally spoke.  
“Fine, I’ll go but I’m not staying out late, and don't wake me up when you come in at 3 am!” He sat up and walked into the bathroom without even looking at Scorpius. 

It was a little later when they finally managed to get out of their dorm and head over to one of the empty greenhouses. The Hufflepuff’s had filled it with armchairs and sofas in preparation for the evening. The floating candles filled the ceiling and its glow could be seen through the glass walls as the boys approached. Having learned from the past few weeks, Scorpius didn’t try to hold his boyfriend's hand, even if he wanted to. He wanted to be optimistic about tonight, but Albus’s antisocial attitude was already rubbing off on him. No, Scorp was going to persevere and have a good time tonight. He deserved a night off.   
Scorpius opened the door, letting Al in ahead of him, touching the small of the other boys back lightly. The greenhouse looked beautiful, full of floating candles and the hum of conversation over music filled the air. He could smell warm butterbeer and there was even a fire in the middle of the room, with benches positioned around it.   
“I’m getting a drink.” Albus turned to him quickly and left before Scorpius could say anything.   
“Alright, Malfoy? D’you just come in?” Lindsey Wallace clapped him on the back, she was the beater for Slytherin, and her strength showed.  
“Ah, yeah. You know me, always fashionably late.” He winked and she laughed, nodding her head towards the rest of the Quidditch gang.  
“Come over, I think Zambini is going to punch Wormy if someone doesn’t intervene.” She grimaced, jokingly. With one final look in the direction that Albus had disappeared in, Scorpius followed Lindsey to the quidditch team. 

Scorpius spent most of the night with the students on the various teams, they were all good friends off the pitch, even if the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin ran deep during matches.   
One thing that bothered the boy was Albus’s absence for the evening. Scorp hasn’t seen him since they’d arrived together, hours ago. In the middle of a loud discussion between the Slytherin and Hufflepuff captains, he slipped out of the group and headed over to the drinks table to refill, still on the lookout for his boyfriend. The way Albus had been acting recently scared Scorpius. Had he done something to repel the Potter? It was odd because the Scorp’s feelings for the boy were still as strong and meaningful as when they’d first gotten together. If anything, Al’s sudden reclusiveness felt like a betrayal. He didn’t seem to be the same person that had made a scene in front of the whole school to ask him out. Albus was slowly bowing out of their relationship and acknowledging it broke the blonde boy’s heart.   
He took a deep breath in, controlling his emotions for the sake of the party, for the sake of tonight. As he scanned the room whilst popping the cap off the top of a butterbeer, his eyes settled on Albus. But as he watched, he saw Albus lean in and rest his arm on the wall above her head to whisper something in her ear. She giggled, looking into the dark-haired boy’s eyes as he pulled away. Scorpius continued to look on in horror. That was his boyfriend’s hand that was playing with the string on her hoodie. His boyfriend’s lip’s that brushed her cheek each time he whispered to her. That was his boyfriend, trying to be her boyfriend.   
It made him sick because he recognised that look, the one with the fluttery eyelashes and the shy smile and those bright green eyes. He’d woken up to that smile more times than he could count, but seeing it directed at someone else stirred something up in his stomach. He’d left the party and was throwing up outside before he could even process everything that he’d witnessed. 

Saturday morning started early, with the last quidditch practice of the year on the playing fields. He wasn’t surprised to find the pitch empty, especially after how drunk some of the team had been the night before.   
He shivered as he pulled off his hoodie to put on his pads and sweatshirt. The chill of winter was making itself known with a crunchy frost across the grounds. They’d be going home tomorrow and Scorpius suspected that it wouldn’t be long until it started snowing.   
He decided that we could do a few laps before everyone else showed up if anything just to keep warm.  
Lindsey arrived and spotted him as she comes out of the women’s changing room, they were both early. She kicked off and joined him next to the scoring hoops.  
“Where’d you run off to last night?” She threw him a quaffle, rubbing her hands together to keep them warm.  
“I was really tired,” He yawned, as if on cue “it’s been a long week.”   
Scorp threw the ‘ball’ back to her, wrapping his arms around himself as another chill ran through him.  
“It’s weird, I didn’t even see you leave?”   
“Sorry, I just told Al I was leaving and headed back.” He caught the quaffle again, throwing it from hand to hand as the pitch turned silent.   
He met Lindsey’s eye and her expression looked concerned, but guarded. He felt like she knew that there was more to the story but as she opened her mouth to add something, a third voice joined them.  
“You guys, you’re showing me up! Getting here before the captain means you've got to help me get everything out of the shed.”   
Scorpius looked at Lindsay again as she groaned and took the keys from their Captain, Jason Brenchley. The two of them flew the short distance to the equipment shed and grabbed the box containing the bludgers and the snitch. Between them, they carried it back to the pitch as Bletchley put on his kit.   
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Linds pushed, the shadow of concern still on her face.  
“Yeah, I guess.” Scorpius shrugged, exhaling as they put the chest down. “I’m just ready to head home for Christmas.”  
“If anything’s up and you want someone to talk to…“  
“Thanks, Lindsey, I appreciate that.” Scorp interrupted, feeling like she was only saying it because she felt like she should. But he pulled her in for a hug all the same, and feeling her arms around his back was more comforting than he was expecting, realising just how little he and Albus had touched recently. 

Quidditch always helped clear his head, even in the worst of times, an hour and a half of quidditch with his teammates never failed to give him some time away from his other problems. It’s like when he kicked off the grass, he was able to leave all those pesky worries and feelings behind and focus on the play. 

But when he got back to the dorm, to find it empty, the ruffle of Albus’s sheets reminding him of his and Linds’s hug earlier. He threw his hoodie off, dumping his sports bag beside his bed and grabbing is wash kit out of the trunk. That’s when he noticed the book on his bed, the one Al had been reading yesterday. ‘The Catcher in the Rye’, odd choice, he thought. There was a small pink note sticking out of the top, and so Scorp grabbed it and flicked through to find the message. 

‘Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.’  
Come and find me when you're back from practice.   
-A

He looked back at his boyfriend’s bed and allowed his instinct to take him over to it. Scorpius wasn’t sure what he was doing picking up the boys pillow and smelling it. Suddenly everything hit him at once as if he’d just landed after a game, only to be flooded by all those feelings he’d left on the ground. The smell of Al enveloped him and all he could see was the sun streaming through the boy's bedroom at the Potter’s house and the way Albus’s laugh filled the quiet Manson. Scorp dropped the pillow as his eyes began to well up, turning away to have a shower, hoping to wash it all off. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t also cry in the shower, imagining his boyfriend kissing that girl from last night in the Potter’s library the way they had done the last Christmas. He felt lonely and replaced, he missed Albus. Wanted to hold him and tell him he was over-thinking it and that he loved him, but at the same time, he didn’t want to see the boy. He didn’t want to have to acknowledge that he might be right, that maybe they were over.

Sure enough, as he stepped out of the shower, clad only in a fluffy white towel around his hips and his hair still wet, the man himself was sat at his desk, wearing his reading glasses (a rare but wonderful sight). The blonde boy’s heart stuttered, a confusing cocktail of emotion wiring around his mind.  
“So you liked Catcher in the Rye?” Scorp murmured, standing in front of the wooden table where Albus looked up and leant back in his chair, his eyes drinking in the view of the boy before him. Scorpius looked away, embarrassed to have Al look at him like that, hungry and desiring, after what he’d done the night before.   
“Yeah, I did.” He sighed looking at Scorpius’s face, daring their eyes to meet. “What’re you trying to do to me? You’re turning me into a book worm.”   
Albus got up slowly, making his way around the desk to get to his boyfriend, who still wasn’t looking at him.   
“Hey,” Al whispered, his hand moving up at holding the blonde’s cheek before kissing him. Scorpius could smell him, stronger than the scent on the pillow. He was like an addict, finally getting a hit after experiencing withdrawal. But with a high, comes a low and suddenly Scorpius could see Albus kissing that girl in the corner, thinking they were invisible to the world.   
He pulled away with a pang of nausea. He couldn’t do this. Scorp grabbed a bunch of clothes from his bed and escaped to the comfort of the bathroom to change and give himself time to think.   
He emerged, fully dressed this time and with the blueprint of a game plan. Finding Albus sitting on the end of his bed, folding his clothes.   
“Who’s the blonde girl?” He asked, softer and more fragile than he wanted to sound, Albus looked up and for a moment acted confused.   
“The one you were with last night.” Scorpius clenched his eyes, not wanting to have to watch him figure it out.  
“You saw.” He sounded defeated, as though he’d just lost a bet with himself as to how long he could keep his boyfriend in the dark. “I’m sorry.”  
He opened his eyes, the apology felt awkward and out of place. It hurt to be lied to and then for Albus not to feel sincere remorse.  
“Are you?” Scorp asked, shaking his head “Doesn’t sound like it.” he muttered as he stacked the textbooks on his desk.  
“Hey, give me a break!” Albus was on his feet now, voice a little louder and more aggressive than previously.  
“I’m 17 fucking years old, I don’t know what I want, okay?” Scorpius just stared at him, feeling like he’d just set off an eruption that had been building for too long.   
“Here I am coming out to my parents and dating a guy and then seeing girls and thinking shit, she's really hot. And-and you know sometimes it felt wrong because we’d be making out and I’d be thinking of kissing a girl instead but then I catch a bit of your stubble or I’d accidentally feel your dick, and whoops you’re not a fucking chick.” Albus rubbed his eyes, shielding his face.  
Scorpius was quiet for a little while, trying to understand everything that was going on.  
“So, you want me to be… a woman?”   
“NO! Ugh… I-I just don't know what I want. And you can’t expect me to I’m only a fucking kid. I don't know who or what I want from life.”  
“I knew what I wanted,” Scorp muttered, his eyes not leaving the carpet, even as Albus stopped pacing and looked over at him.  
“I wanted you.”   
That was the exact moment that the hope inside him died.  
“Don’t do this to me,” Albus warned, dropping his arms to his sides, looking incredulous.  
“Do this to you?” Scorpius shot him a glare and laughed bitterly as a tear streaked down his cheek.  
“You’re breaking my heart, Albus.” Albus didn’t stick around, he just shook his head, looking up at Scorp one last time and leaving the dorm.   
That’s when it all dawned on him, and the boy broke down. Tears falling down his chin, with loud and angry sobs echoing back to him. He picked up the copy of Catcher in the Rye on his bed and threw it at the door, as though hoping Albus would open it right then to receive a book right between his gorgeous green eyes.  
This was not the way he wanted to start his Christmas holidays.


End file.
